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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comedian
Funny
Stuff
House
Keep
Place
Home
Hilarious
Witty

More quotes by George Carlin

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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
George Carlin
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
George Carlin
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
George Carlin