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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Wrong
Forests
Next
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Long
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Something
Tree
Camping
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Parks
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More quotes by George Carlin
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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