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Everyone smiles in the same language.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Laughter
Smile
Funny
Language
Frowning
Everyone
Smiles
Inspirational
Sarcastic
Life
Witty
Humorous

More quotes by George Carlin

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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
George Carlin
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
George Carlin
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
George Carlin
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin