Quote

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Father
Suggest
Would
Warning
Beverages
Think
Labels
Alcoholic
Thinking
Alcohol
Bland
Humor
Asshole
Turn
Alcoholics
Turns
Liquor
Funny
Vivid

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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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