Quote

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Vivid
Father
Suggest
Would
Warning
Beverages
Think
Labels
Alcoholic
Thinking
Alcohol
Bland
Humor
Asshole
Turn
Alcoholics
Turns
Liquor

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
Image
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
George Carlin
Image
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
Image
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
George Carlin
Image
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
Image
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
Image
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
Image
Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
George Carlin
Image
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
Image
For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
George Carlin
Image
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
George Carlin
Image
I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
Image
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
George Carlin
Image
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
Image
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
George Carlin
Image
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
George Carlin
Image
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
Image
When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
George Carlin
Image
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
Image
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin