Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Two
Baby
Care
Months
Firsts
Fine
Need
Hear
First
Asks
Needs
Funny
Really
Didn
Toddler
Place
Cheese
More quotes by George Carlin
At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
George Carlin
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
George Carlin
Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
George Carlin
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin