Quote

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Whose
Drink
Humor
Knew
Transsexual
Guy
Transsexuals
Funny
Homosexuality
Mary
Ambition

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
Image
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
Image
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
Image
There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
George Carlin
Image
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
Image
Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
Image
How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
George Carlin
Image
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
Image
For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
George Carlin
Image
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
George Carlin
Image
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin
Image
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
Image
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
Image
A pear is a failed apple.
George Carlin
Image
We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
George Carlin
Image
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
Image
You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
Image
Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George Carlin
Image
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
Image
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin