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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Brain
Names
Mind
Workshop
Never
Alzheimer
Workshops
Idle
Devil
Name

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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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Religion is just mind control.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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