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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Great
Satisfied
Shoes
Species
Became
Instead
Light
Human
Lights
Humans
Tennis
More quotes by George Carlin
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
George Carlin
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
A pear is a failed apple.
George Carlin
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
George Carlin
The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
