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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Shoes
Species
Became
Instead
Light
Human
Lights
Humans
Tennis
Great
Satisfied
More quotes by George Carlin
I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
George Carlin
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
George Carlin
How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
George Carlin
In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
George Carlin
Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
George Carlin
When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
George Carlin
Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
George Carlin
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
