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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Show
Shows
Kids
Bambi
Midnight
Hips
Saws

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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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