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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bambi
Midnight
Hips
Saws
Show
Shows
Kids

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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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