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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bambi
Midnight
Hips
Saws
Show
Shows
Kids

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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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The status quo sucks.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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