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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Orphanage
Staring
Envy
Feeling
Feelings
Remember

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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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A pear is a failed apple.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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