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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Staring
Envy
Feeling
Feelings
Remember
Orphanage

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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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