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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Feelings
Remember
Orphanage
Staring
Envy
Feeling

More quotes by George Carlin

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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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