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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Orphanage
Staring
Envy
Feeling
Feelings
Remember

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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Your home is your refuge.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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Hooray for most things!
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
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