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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Left
Tell
Better
Unsaid
Without
Speaks
Things
Goes
Think
Saying
Thinking
Less
Speak
More quotes by George Carlin
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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Life is a zero sum game.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin