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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
George Carlin
Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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