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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Way
Breakfast
Humor
Child
Littles
Little
Children
Work
Skipped
Something
Grab
More quotes by George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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