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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Children
Work
Skipped
Something
Grab
Way
Breakfast
Humor
Child
Littles
Little

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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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