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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Understood
More quotes by George Carlin
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin