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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Americans
Tough
Completely
Problem
Matter
Sleeves
Country
Ignore
Believe
Roll
Genuine
More quotes by George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
