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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Matter
Sleeves
Country
Ignore
Believe
Roll
Genuine
Americans
Tough
Completely
Problem

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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Your home is your refuge.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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