Quote

I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Believe
Roll
Genuine
Americans
Tough
Completely
Problem
Matter
Sleeves
Country
Ignore

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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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