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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
State
Vegetative
United
Persistent
States
Town
Enough
Towns
Think
Ten
Thinking
Thousand
People
Small
Start
Veggie
More quotes by George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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