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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
State
Vegetative
United
Persistent
States
Town
Enough
Towns
Think
Ten
Thinking
Thousand
People
Small
Start
Veggie
More quotes by George Carlin
We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin