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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinking
Thousand
People
Small
Start
Veggie
State
Vegetative
United
Persistent
States
Town
Enough
Towns
Think
Ten
More quotes by George Carlin
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
George Carlin
Everyone smiles in the same language.
George Carlin
Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
George Carlin