Quote

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Seems
Meet
Toms
Women
Dreams
Prudence
Right
Joy
Named
Like
Days
Rage
Faith
Guilt
Hope
Tragedy
Girl
Despair
Dream
Grief

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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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