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Life is a series of dogs.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Dogs
Dog
Series

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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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