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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bullshit
Easily
Greatest
Story
Religion
Stories
Time
More quotes by George Carlin
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George Carlin
I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
George Carlin
You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
George Carlin
Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
George Carlin
As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
George Carlin
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
George Carlin
Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
