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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Greatest
Story
Religion
Stories
Time
Bullshit
Easily

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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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