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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Stories
Time
Bullshit
Easily
Greatest
Story
Religion
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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