Quote

They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Candle
Lack
Darkness
Instead
Though
Light
Cursing
Nothing
Candles
Mentioned

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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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No comment is a comment.
George Carlin