Quote

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Awkward
Love
Drivers
People
Admit
Math
Klutz
Humor
Handwriting
Poor
Readily
Funny
Sarcasm
Sense
Driver

More quotes by George Carlin

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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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