Quote

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Admit
Math
Klutz
Humor
Handwriting
Poor
Readily
Funny
Sarcasm
Sense
Driver
Never
Awkward
Love
Drivers

More quotes by George Carlin

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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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