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How is it possible to have a civil war?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Civil
Humorous
Possible
Funny
War
Inspirational
Life
Sarcastic
Witty

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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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