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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
God
Dies
Perfect
Funny
Makes
Ever
Sarcastic
Everything
Witty
Humorous

More quotes by George Carlin

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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
George Carlin
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
George Carlin
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
George Carlin
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
George Carlin
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
George Carlin