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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
God
Dies
Perfect
Funny
Makes
Ever
Sarcastic
Everything
Witty

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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Hooray for most things!
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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