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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Religion
Funny
Music
Ever
Come
Thing
Good
Humor

More quotes by George Carlin

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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Religion is just mind control.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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