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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Come
Thing
Good
Humor
Religion
Funny
Music
Ever
More quotes by George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
George Carlin
By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George Carlin
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
George Carlin
Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
George Carlin
