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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Religion
Funny
Music
Ever
Come
Thing
Good
Humor

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Language always gives you away.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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No comment is a comment.
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Hooray for most things!
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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