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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thing
Good
Humor
Religion
Funny
Music
Ever
Come

More quotes by George Carlin

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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Your home is your refuge.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
George Carlin
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
George Carlin
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
George Carlin