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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Park
Parks
Silly
Drive
Driveway

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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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