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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Driveway
Park
Parks
Silly
Drive

More quotes by George Carlin

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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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