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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Teach
Fish
Funny
Fishes
Give
Beer
Giving
Boat
Fisheries
Men
Rivers
Angling
Sea
Fisherman
Drink
Lakes
Humor
Fishing
More quotes by George Carlin
Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
