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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Teach
Fish
Funny
Fishes
Give
Beer
Giving
Boat
Fisheries
Men
Rivers
Angling
Sea
Fisherman
Drink
Lakes
Humor
Fishing
More quotes by George Carlin
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin
I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
Life is a series of dogs.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
George Carlin
Life is not that complicated.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
George Carlin