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Life is tough, then you die.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Tough
Dies

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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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