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Life is tough, then you die.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Tough
Dies
Life

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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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Life is not that complicated.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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