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Life is tough, then you die.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Tough
Dies

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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Religion is just mind control.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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