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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Nice
Funny
Tell
Wells
Well
Crappy
Always
Sarcastic
People
Witty
Humorous

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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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No comment is a comment.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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