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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Tell
Wells
Well
Crappy
Always
Sarcastic
People
Witty
Humorous
Nice

More quotes by George Carlin

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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Hooray for most things!
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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