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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Swimming
More quotes by George Carlin
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
