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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Restaurants
Smoking
Peeing
Witty
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Humorous
Sections
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Restaurant
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Making
Swimming
Like
Pool
More quotes by George Carlin
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
George Carlin
You never see a smiling runner.
George Carlin
If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
George Carlin
Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
George Carlin
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
George Carlin
I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
George Carlin
I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
George Carlin
I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
George Carlin
To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
