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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Smoking
Peeing
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Restaurant
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Making
Swimming
Like
Pool
Restaurants
More quotes by George Carlin
Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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