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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Restaurants
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Peeing
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Swimming
Like
Pool
More quotes by George Carlin
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
George Carlin
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin
I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
George Carlin
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
George Carlin
Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
George Carlin
Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
George Carlin
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
George Carlin
Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
George Carlin
To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
George Carlin