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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Smoking
Peeing
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Humorous
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Humor
Restaurant
Funny
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Making
Swimming
Like
Pool
Restaurants
More quotes by George Carlin
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
