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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Sections
Humor
Restaurant
Funny
Sarcastic
Making
Swimming
Like
Pool
Restaurants
Smoking
Peeing
Witty
Section

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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Life is not that complicated.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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